When we think of anxiety in children, we often think of a timid child who does not want to go out, try new things, or socialize with their friends. However, there is another side to anxiety that is often not talked about, and that is when your child is having outbursts or tantrums at home, school, or even in public. It may look like they are being defiant, but with a child with anxiety, it is more than that.
One possibility is that they are aiming to get what they feel they need in the moment, which is to escape the event. In the moment, your child is exhibiting the “fight-or-flight’ response. An example of this would be throwing a tantrum every morning before school, or when you have to go to work, or even for something fun, like going to the beach or leaving the house for a birthday party. By throwing a tantrum, they are either avoiding or delaying the event that evokes fear in them. Another reason they could be acting out is that they are still learning to regulate their emotions. Your child may not have the skills or words to help them through it. An example would be your child crying for seemingly “no reason” when, in reality, it’s their anxiety that they just can’t explain. In schools, kids may be pegged as “behavioral” because of their refusal to complete work or their outbursts that disrupt the class. At home, they can be difficult to manage, and parents sometimes may feel the need to “just give in.” However, if we understand what is going on and why, we may be able to help kids better manage their anxiety rather than helping them to avoid it altogether.
If you are wondering whether your child’s behavior is due to anxiety or something else, you can start tracking when the behavior is happening. Is it always before an outing with friends? Before a test for school? When a parent has to go on a work trip? Or is it happening when something is just hard for them, or when they just don’t like the event?
To better understand what supports your child needs, a psychological or neuropsychological evaluation can help to better understand what is going on and give individualized recommendations at home and school. If your child is in fact showing outbursts due to their anxiety, individual therapy or parent training may help to support your child in using appropriate coping skills and learn to better verbalize and regulate their emotions.